Just some random stuff

Dear Diary,

Life is really unfair. Its biased and totally partial to its favourites. How else do you explain this “player’ who has slept with every thing remotely resembling a woman, and then insisting that he “deserves” a virgin for a wife and then **gasp** getting one. I don’t get it. Oh well, we wouldnt really know if she is a virgin now, would we? Oh please God..just this once, I’ll never pray for another non virgin in my life again..please please please..let her not be a virgin..in fact..go ahead God, break a leg, make her a slut. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase!! That would be just so perfect. See, the question is not about virginity here..its about hypocrisy. I mean, you cry yourself hoarse about how overrated virginity is and is the pioneer for premarital sex and all that and when finally your turn comes to get “settled”, you decide to push all your so far staunch beliefs to the deepest darkest corner of your cupboard and formulate a new set of beliefs to swear by. Now if this aint hypocrisy then I don’t know what is and whats worse diarykins, is that when you ask him about the double standards, he brushes the question aside by saying, “Its a guy thing, you wouldn’t understand.” What the fuck? Take a second and explain this to me, so what is it about a man that I don’t understand here? what is this “guy thing”?? Is it the Tom Cruise philosophy,Respect the cock, tame the cunt? Seriously, do you even for a second think we don’t get that? do you think we don’t understand your alternate heart down there? You think we don’t get it when you insist that you think with your heart? And I hate the double standards, you want an adventurous girlfriend who’s game for most things but when it comes to a wife, you want a nice innocent homely type. Well, get over it. We can play the ‘nice innocent homely type’ very convincingly, you see.Β  Well, I dont mean to be disrespectful to all the men and I know that I’m making sweeping generalisations here, but wth diarykins, I feel vindictive today! Grrrrrr..

Oh and Ive realised that pain makes me think about the weirdest things. That, and that my threshold for pain is abysmally low. If I dint know better, I would have thought that my tolerance for pain is receding every month. Not far is the day when I am gonna pass out from pain from an ant bite. I wish I was a lil more like S who says she enjoys pain. Oh yes, she like piercings and tattoos more for the pain that goes with it than anything else. I dont wanna be like her, I dont wanna ever enjoy pain, but I cant help wishing I was more like her in terms of the tolerance for pain. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghh!! Child birth!!! I think I’m gonna just pass out from the prospect of so much pain. 😐 😐

And bout those weird thoughts, yesterday I was in pain (Long story..I almost died..more on that later) and in between the whole painful experience, I couldn’t help thinking, how If I walked on my hands, my pee could actually flow inside and how my bladder could literally blast from being too full and how then my blood would get mixed with my pee and I would have stinky blood and how my blood wouldn’t be the nice shade of red it is now. I also remember reminding myself to check out the shade that comes when you mix, light yellow with red. And then I became paranoid, cause for more than a couple of years, I have become obsessed with having colourless pee and I keep drinking truckloads of water to ensure that and now with the whole pee in blood scenario, my obsession has become a necessity, that is, if I don’t want my blood to loose its lovely hue. So ya, like I was saying, I get the weirdest thoughts when I am in pain.

In other news, my friend A got married. Honestly, I never thought she would get married. Why? Cause I never thought anybody could stand her. Well, she ain’t that bad and she’s mildly pleasing in short bursts but for life is a lil too much. I know, I know I sound bitchy, but this feels nice. Really! Anyways, I guess nobody is unbearable. There is somebody to bear everybody. That’s comforting, don’t you think dairykins? I think I prefer people bear hugging me, to just bearing me. Oh and A, I know you are gonna read this. Well, you always knew this is the way I felt about you na? So chill and have an exciting honeymoon. Rock on \m/

Thats about it all. I love you diarykins and I love you more for patiently listening to me rant. You rock chicki!!! Muah!

Published in: on June 16, 2008 at 6:54 am  Comments (9)  
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On the big screen..

How many times have we watched a movie and wished it happened to us in real time? How many times have we come home from the movies and imitated the hero/heroine or whatever it is that has caught our fancy? How many times have we desperately yet silently prayed to God to make our lives half as interesting as the last movie we saw? Well, I for one have and a million times atleast. Infact, we all have at some point or the other wished our life were the movies, wished we had a picture perfect ending and that everyone lived happily ever after.

So, keeping in mind this undying and not so subconscious desire to be a part of the film world, I humbly present before you..**Extended Drumroll** (Notice how every major announcement sounds so much more cooler when preceded by a drumroll? Whoever thought of using the drumroll to built anxiety was a genious)


  • The climax of Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. The slow moving train, a bloody yet somehow cute looking Shahruk Khan with an outstretched arm and the embodiment of the strict and stern fathers the world over, Amrish Puri mouthing what has by now become almost legendary, “Jaa Beti, Jee le apni Zindagi (for the benefit of my non Hindi speaking friends, the line translates to, ‘Go my girl, live your life’, though it somehow sounds way much cooler in Hindi) and finally me..Flashing a grateful smile at my father and running along the still slow moving train ( no wonder our trains are always late) and into the arms of my love. Hmmmmmmmmmm!!! I’ve played this scene a million times in my head and it just keeps getting better everytime. Though I’m positive that in realtime, I would a tripped a million times before finally getting into the train.
  • The black n white car scene in Kill Bill. Reasons are simple enough, I like to kick butts and inspite of all the gore, I still like the idea of a girl out to get revenge. I love the yellow tracksuit, I love the action and most of all, I like the way she says ” And when I get there, I’m gonna Kill Bill”, complete with wind in her hair and the continuous oscillation of her head and that uber sexy back ground score. Aah! The ultimate power trip!
  • Any fight sequence from the Tomb Raider series. The pout-y action figure not just gets the guys drooling their life out but also manages to excite more than a few women. I mean, really, long jet black hair, a perfectly filled figure and the handling of mean machines with aplomb. I like the idea of looking feminine and then kicking more than my share of ‘villainous’ butts. How thoroughly dreamlike and enjoyable. Oh yes, I played this sequence in my head, a lot.
  • Sharon Stone’s leg-crossing interrogation scene in the Basic Instinct. Why? Go figure!
  • The last scene from the Titanic. Well, technically not the last scene but the scene where Jack dies. **Sniff**. How tragic! I could just picture myself there, a pretty picture of both grief and determination at the same time. It does feel a tad silly now, but when the movie released, I spend good many nights crying myself to sleep cause I was Rose and I had just lost my Jack.
  • The pot making scene from Ghost. What? Its a good make out scene. Very sensuous. A Woman has her needs, you see.
  • The scene where Maria falls in love with the Captain in The Sound of Music. Well, technically its falling in love with your boss but something about the way it was handled doesn’t make it look tacky at all. ” So somewhere in my youth or childhood,I must have done something good”, and that song is another reason along with the extremely yummy captain. Well, actually the entire movie is worth replaying in my head but something about this scene means more.
  • Jodie Foster’s introduction scene in The Silence of the Lambs – Wow, the slow long tense walk to Hannibal Lecter’s cell. I think I could have added a tad more dignity to it. Like I said, I think. There is something about that scene and something so chilling about the way, Mr. Lecter urges Foster closer to his cell, “Closer, please. Clo-ser”. Positively creepy yet highly replayable in my head.
  • A Sooraj Bharjatiya heroine. I know this is not a scene but Ive imagined me being the ultimate SB heroine all my life. She, a Sooraj Bharjatiya heroine is everything I’m not, she is shy, she is silent, she is demure, she is the embodiment of the Bharatiya Nari, she is so innocent and so nice and everybody loves her and oh ya, she is incapable of hurting anyone, even if she wanted to. So you see, I couldn’t bear to be like that for life, but I sure dont mind being that in intervals, which is most often right after I watch one of his flicks.

Well, this is just a few from the top of my head. Think a lil deeper and Im sure there are tons more. But like I always say, lets keep it for another day shall we? and ya, if there are any scenes you think is worth replaying in my head, drop me line, wont you? There is always room for more melodrama. πŸ˜€

PS: What is with me and this compulsive need to make lists of late? First it was the bucket list, then a list of the things from the past that we love, then came the list to identifying me and now this! Do all women..wait..this might not be exclusive to women, so lemme rephrase, so do all of mankind go through this list making spree at some point or the other? or am I the latest victim of OCLMD (Obsessive Compulsive List Making DIsorder)? But what the heck as long as its an important life changing list (which all my lists are) then I don’t think I should be complaining πŸ˜€

Bucket List

Ok. Here is another post about a movie.

Well, not exactly about the movie but more or less inspired by the movie. I hope you guys by now have seen the ‘Bucket List‘. Now whats fascinating for me about this movie is the reviews that it has been drawing. There is one half of my friends who will swear by the movie and another half who will not touch it with a barge pole. Now, the half that doesnt like the movie claims its disappointing cause there is no anticipation. The movie’s plot is pretty much evident from the title and it sticks to it without any twists or turns or even a surprise ending. The half that loved it, loved it cause it lived up to its name. So you see, there isn’t much to choose. You gotta see it and decide which category you wanna fall in to. Oh, I fell into the ‘Loved the movie’ category. Actually, I don’t hate many movies. I always try to see something good in it so that I can justify the 2 odd hours I spent watching it. I’m very terminally optimistic that way. Just wish I could look at people the way I looked at movies.

Hmmmm, coming back to the ‘Bucket List’. Well, I loved the characters and I loved the plot and what I loved more was the choice of actors. They couldn’t have chosen better. Jack Nicholson is at his weird, rude eccentric best and Morgan Freeman is at the heights of restrained acting. Oh, and is it just me or do all of you think that he has got the ‘perfectest’ voice ever? I mean if God had a voice, dont you think it would be Morgan Freeman’s voice. So calm and soothing yet so powerful. I wonder how he is in bed. Do you think his woman gets multiple orgasms just by listening to his sweet talk? (Eeeew..no, lets not go down that lane, old men in bed is not something I like to dwell upon). Speaking of Gods, isnt it funny how we never pictured God as a black man until ‘Bruce Almighty’ came along? And that got me thinking. I mean, we all think of God or the picture that we have of God in our minds is of a man (yes, I’ve said it before and I say it again, I can’t think of God as woman. Sorry, but I can’t. My God is a man.) with very familiar features. I mean, my God has Indian features cause being an Indian I’m automatically tuned to think like that (This has more so to do with Muslims cause there are no pictures of our God,so its all in the mind). So, I was wondering whether a Chinese pictures God with chinky eyes or if a Spaniard pictures God with thick eyebrows and an olive skin. Just a thought!

Anyways, fresh from the movie and highly inspired by it, I decided to make my own bucket list. Things I would like to do before I, well, kick the bucket. So here goes:

  • Travel to Italy – Ive always wanted to since I was a kid. Though I have to admit that earlier my desire to visit Italy was largely because of my cravings for authentic pizzas and pastas. Yes, I do realise that it would be much cheaper to go to the Italian restaurant next door but as a kid you mind doesn’t think like that. You want good pizza you go to Italy. But now, yes, pastas and pizzas still figure in the equation, but the reason I wanna go there is because of this picture of romance associated with the place (or in other words, Yummy Italian men πŸ˜› ) and also because I think these Italians are master marketers. Only they can take an old badly built tower and turn into this wonder. Really, I have tons of buildings in the nieghbourhood which have a bigger degree of tilt than the Tower of Pisa, but do you see anyone visiting it? See, I told you, these Italians are the master marketers of the world.
  • Meet Johnny Depp/John Travolta – I am not being too ambitious. I will settle for either. Travolta my first crush, the man who made me feel weak in the knee for the first time. The man who made me realise that perhaps boys ain’t so bad after all. I was 12 when I saw ‘Grease’ for the first time and life has never been the same since. You have a special place in my heart. Johnny Depp, for making me fall in love with a freak, ‘Edward Scissorhands’. I am not gonna say any further.
  • Turn into a fitness freak – and inturn achieve the perfect hourglass figure. I don’t like the new flat look, hourglass, thats what we should strive for.
  • Read as many holy books as possible – With so much hue and cry over religion, I’d really like to know where we all differ so much that we humans have ceased being humans and have become mere representatives of religions. I’d like to read as many religious scriptures as possible. Really!
  • Sex on the beach – Not the drink silly. I wanna make out on the beach. I haven’t yet decided if I want a private beach somewhere or if wanna do it on a regular beach. I cant seem to decide but the bigger problem here is how to lure my man into being a part of my list. Oh, and while we are beaches, I wanna reaffirm our vows, on a beach, for our 50th wedding anniversary. But I want the sex much before that.
  • Attend my kids’ wedding – Well, I don’t have any kids yet and I don’t think I will be having any for a while but eventually when I have them, I wanna be with them all the way. I don’t wanna die and leave in between. I wanna stay for their weddings.
  • Become a Cowgirl – Oh yes, I intend to buy a ranch in Texas some day. (Psst: becoming an old cow and becoming a cowgirl are two different things, in case you were wondering)

PS: This is not the end of my list. But I just noticed that this post is becoming way too long. So, I’m gonna stop my rant now, temporarily. I shall resume. Stay tunes for Bucket list 2, coming soon to the WordPress near you. πŸ˜‰

On rains and life..On a rainy life!

I woke up to a rainy morning today. I hate rainy mornings cause somehow in my world, mornings are supposed to be bright and sunny. Rains can be kept for the evenings so that we can sit on the terrace and have mugs of steaming coffee. (I think the Nescafe ads have spoiled me. I cant think of steaming coffees in anything but mugs these days. These mugs have become as important as the coffee itself. A case of the creation becoming more important than the creator huh?Β  Besides I think its more stylish. Coffee in a mug! Coffee in a glass or even in cup is not as cool and coffee in those disposable paper cups are plain loathsome) So, where was I? Damn! This is the problem with these extended brackets, you lose track of your original thought.

So, where was I? oh yes, the rains in the evening. Not only do they give us an excuse to have more coffee but they also set the perfect platform for us to snuggle closer to our man (or woman) under an umbrella and have coffee from the road side vendor. Yes, I know, I have been heavily inspired byΒ  Raj Kapoor and Nargis alaΒ  Pyaar hua Ikraar hua hia. What can I say, I am very filmi like this, which is why I adore the character played by Kirron Kher in Om Shanti Om. That melodramatic character is so me, as most of my friends will happily testify. So you see, rains don’t belong at mornings. Also, Aqua said ‘ Good morning Sunshine be with me all day’ and not ‘Good morning Raindrops be with me all day’. So you see, I ain’t the only one.

Anyways, why am I talking to you about the rains? This is not what I wanted to talk to you about, what I wanted was to talk about the movie I saw last night, ‘The Family Man’. A real cutesy movie starring Nicholas Cage. Now, the story ain’t much but its interesting. It maps out how our life can change differently based on one small step or decision of ours, much like the Butterfly Effect. (Not the movie, but the theory.)

Imagine, our life as we live it now is only like this cause we chose to take the bus instead of a taxi while returning home last night or because we chose to eat Chinese instead of Italian the other day or because we missed the first flight out of town last week. Isn’t it baffling and weird and doesn’t it make you think? Well it sure made me. It somehow seemed to have switched my imagination to the hyper mode cause now I anticipate any decision I made as a possible crossroad in life and how it might affect me. I even went a step ahead a imagined a different life for me, spanning from the one decision I made. Like I even thought twice about eating an apple instead of a full spread for breakfast today. Ok, maybe so much of thought is not necessary but I see of lot of us hardly giving a thought to our actions. We like to go with the flow without realising that this could possibly have an effect on our life. Aaah!! Did I just border on preaching now? Phew!! Forget I said that. Imagine you just thought it up yourself. πŸ™‚

Oh by the way, movies contemplating on life is also a good watch for a rainy evening. So is a good romance.

PS: Do you think me writing this blog could have a major effect on my later life?

Published in: on June 4, 2008 at 6:05 am  Comments (5)  
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God loves us kids!!!

Ok, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel like skipping around the room. You see, God loves us kids. HE, yes, I think God is a He. I know that there are groups out there who must be foaming at the mouth but I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to accept the fact that God could possible we a woman. Though there are times when I have my doubts, like when I cry and cry and cry. I am confident that only a woman could possibly understand the need for and the relief that tears can provide and that only a woman would let us have unlimited supplies of it. Had it been a man, there would have strict measures for it. 2mm’s per cry. That would be horrific. What would tragedy queens do? **Shudder** And there would be no crocodile tears. The fable would have to be re written and the crocodile would lose its prominence in our lives. Who knows, perhaps Steve Irwin’s fascination for the crocs stemmed from the fable and with no fable he wouldn’t have been fascinated and with no fascination there would have been no Steve Irwin. Perhaps then, instead of being stung to death, he would have been working as a store manager somewhere in Australia. Phew! Look at the possibilities.

Well anyways, thats just the one time I feel God could possibly be a woman. At all other times he is a very generous man. Someone who understands women and for all those vehement GOD-IS-A-SHE supporters out there, I don’t know if this means much but I think all the countries are women. Like India is a woman, so is Australia and so is all the all the other countries. I hope you feel better now. πŸ™‚

Now, about why God loves us. A quick recap of my religious sentiments. I am one of those Muslims who is more non Islam-ish than Islam-ish, which means I have so many unresolved queries and doubts about my religion. Now, one amongst the few million doubts I had was as to why polygamy is permitted in the religion but polyandry is not. It just dint seem fair. Kinda reaffirms your faith that God is indeed a man, does it not? This doubt has always troubled me. It just doesnt seem right that an all knowing, all powerful God would be biased. Something didn’t seem right. But being born into an extremely conservative Musilim family means that you can rarely be vocal about your religious doubts. Questions are blasphemy. Ok, so maybe Im exaggerating, but lets just say questions about the religion is not looked upon highly. Well, so I have had this doubt forever and lets be honest, I’ve been too lazy to search it up as well. Anyways, the happy news here is that, the doubt has been resolved.

I got this book on comparative religion the other day where the writer had an interesting perspective on polygamy. Apparently, it was permitted in all the religions in the beginning but then was phased out later. But why was it permitted? Because **Drumroll** even if a man had a million partners, the kids born out of the relationship whould clearly know who its parents are but if its a woman with a million partners, then there will be obvious doubts about who the father of the kid is. I mean, lets face it, DNA test is not an option every time.

So you see, God was not being biased. He was merely looking out for us kids. I love calling myself a kid. πŸ˜€ and suddenly the fog has lifted and God feels more humane and just. Way to go God!!!

So there. Thats my weekly moment of enlightenment. I now have a tiny inkling as to how Buddha must have felt. Its a nice feeling.

PS: I actually think God is my Grandad. Ive never met my Grandad. He left for the heavens long before I cam into the scene. But there is this laminated picture of his at home and Ive grown up believing that he is God. When I was little, it seemed highly unfair then that all my friends had Gods who would merrily pose for pictures while my God was camera shy. It just didn’t seem fair. They had Him in their pencil boxes, notebooks and even took Him for their exams, perhaps hoping for divine intervention while tackling those chemistry questions. But me, I was all alone. I couldn’t paste him anywhere. I don’t think I have gotten over that. 😐

But never mind now. I am high on enlightenment. This will last me a while.

Published in: on June 2, 2008 at 5:53 am  Comments (7)  
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