So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 2

Ahem..So, remember the Part 1? Well, this is Part 2, which I’m sure you have figured out by now.

Ok, quick recap for the uninitiated. My friend from America is tired of searching for her Mr. Right and wants to settle for an arranged marriage, which according to her is so hassle free. Well, more blah blah blah..blah blah blah later, somehow I was entrusted with the all important task of giving her 10 reasons as to why she should go for an arranged marriage and 10 reasons why it should be a love marriage. The arranged marriage bit has already been done with, which thanks to your generous contribution of ideas, just did not go beyond 6 reasons. Grrrr… Somehow, I still havn’t come to terms with the fact that I, who belong to a country where arranged marriage is a way of life, couldnt even come up with 10 reasons supporting it. 😦

Anyways, now presenting **Drumroll** 10 reasons as to why, a love marriage is the way to go.

1) Well, the most simplest reason will have to be that, you know who you are getting married to..and better still you are actually in love with him. You are attracted to him and you don’t have to spend nights praying to God that you hope you are attracted to him. Don’t raise your eyebrows, I know of people, ok relatives, who have gotten married without having even spoken to their partner even once. Yup, one look at the photograph somehow sufficed. So ya, in a love marriage, you know the guy and what greater joy than getting married to the man you love.

2) Physical compatibility. Oh yes, no unwanted surprises on the first night. You know he/she will turn you on. Imagine, getting married and realising that he does nothing to stir you. Forget the fire in your loins. There is not even a spark there..**Shudder**

3) You know for a fact that he/she is straight. Dont, gimme that look. You think I’m exaggerating? Really people, this finding out that the only thing straight about your partner is his hair, is becoming more common everyday. I personally know somebody who strongly suspects that her partner is gay. You know how we deal with homosexuality in India right?. Besides being a punishable offense, its not really something that happens to us, its exclusive to the west and if it does happen, then its definitely curable. The cure? Marriage of course, after a while they will outgrow their ‘weirdness’. Hang on, this is not me talking, I’m merely echoing the mentality of the average Indian parents. So ya, in a love marriage, atleast you are sure he is straight.

4) You will forever be the symbol of romance to the breed of 12-14 olds in the family. This might just be exclusive to India. You will be the embodiment of romance to them. I stll remember how when one of my friend’s sister had a love marriage, all of us were secretly thrilled. We were all fresh from watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge and her insistence to get married to her lover was complete WOW material for us. We’ve spent many evenings thinking if we will ever find our man and when we do, if we will ever dare disobey our parents and walk out with him. Though, my secret desire always always has been the climax of DDLJ. Aah!! Ive replayed that more than a million times in my lil head.

Oh well, thats how far I got with my list. Not that I couldn’t think of more, but all of them seemed extremely exclusive to India and I dint see the point in giving those reason to my AF ( American friend). Well anyways, she liked both the lists, though it did nothing to clear her confusion. She is as muddled as ever and has almost given up hope of ever being married. Last heard, she was looking for a tall, educated, well earning Italian to take sperm samples from. 😐

PS: Hey there, tall, educated, well earning Italian..Are you listening?

PPS: Is it just me, or does the new series of Airtel ads featuring Vidya Balan and Madhavan give you a warm fuzzy feeling in the tummy?

Published in: on June 29, 2008 at 6:33 am  Comments (22)  
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Game time!!!

Ok..So for once I have no clue what to write. My life has become rather uneventful of late. I like my life, sunny side up. I like a fair bit of melodrama in it, but I’m convincing myself that its the lull before the storm. Not in a negative way but in a happy positive way. Oh well, I hope it is, cause quite frankly, Ive been bored to tears of late, literally.

So, this is gonna be one of those train of thoughts type posts. You can quit reading now, if you want. I promise you, its not gonna get better.

Hmmmm..So..Lets play a game called, “What does this remind you off?” Tada!!! I’m gonna pick random items from my room and then you gotta tell me what that reminds you off. Simple enough? Except I’m home alone today, so I am gonna be playing this by myself. Yes, yes, I know..How entertaining,right? Anyways, lets not waste anymore time and jump right in to the game. (On second thoughts, considering how bored and jobless I am, I should be aiming at wasting as much as time as possible..aah…nevermind)

Telephone – Yellow. The colour, not the song. I dint really have to explain that now, did I?

Sleeplessness.

Loooooooooooooong conversations about nothing.

Abhishek Bachchan’s Motorola ad. Chipped nails, cause in my Gma’s place we have these ancient telephones and dialing a number is guaranteed to chip your perfectly manicured nails. Ugh!!

Headphones – Call centers.

The weird, 2 gold chain wearing uncle who goes jogging past my house at 11:30 am everymorning. Yes, yes, he listens to music on a headphone with a mic. wtf. And I’m pretty darn sure he is listening to Boyzone or BSB or some band like that. (Psst: Remember the time when we could feel the pain in their songs? πŸ™‚ )

Fan – Balloons.That stems from my family’s intense liking for sticking a bunch of balloons on the fan for any and every birthdays we host. Its cute how happy they become just looking at the balloons go round and round. Simple pleasures!

Hmmm..and ya, those hot clammy days in Coimbatore. The fan in my hostel room had a mind of its own. Really. It dint listen to the switch not did it listen to the regulator. It was its own master, which meant that during those cold nights if would suddenly go full speed and freeze us to death and during those hot clammy days, it would refuse to budge. Mean bastard!!!

Curtains – Bright orange. Bright Green. All bright colours, thanks to those ready made curtains that are available everywhere.

Sound of Music. Aah!! Those drapes looked so cute on the kids.

Celine Dion and the song, ” Its all coming back to me now”. I am as stumped as you are.

Stairs – Shopping Malls. Escalators. Running up an escalator that is going down. We actually got cheered by a bunch of people for trying it out once in Garuda Mall, Bangalore.

Stair masters. Ugh!! Exercise. Blah!!

Old movies. There always always had to have a scene where the villain is shown coming down an elaborate staircase with a wooden handrail and ya, the stairs have to have a red carpet on it.

Calenders – Holidays!!

Well..ya..just holidays!!

Pillows – Hugs. Loads of hugs.

Fights. Ive always wanted to get into a pillow fight where I actually accidentally end up tearing my pillow. Not just that, then these pretty white feathers have to float around the room. All in a pretty, cute, good way. Not in the mental patient losing control type of way. No. No, that would be all wrong.

Tears.

And the song, ‘Hopelessly devoted to you’ from Grease.

Television – Those TV rooms in the hostel. Those cricket matches. The movies. Everything on TV was celebrated. I guess it happens when about a 100 girls cram into one room to watch the TV. Aaah!!! Those were testing times but good times..

Close up Antakshari. I don’t know. I just remembered that.

My paranoia about accidentally hitting Auto Tune at the end of 2 hours of grueling Manual tuning and sorting of all the channels. This used to happen a lot earlier and hence the paranoia.

Hip Hip Hurray. I think thats the first serial I watched on television. Don’t know how many of you remember that. It used to come on Zee TV on Wednesdays, like about 10 years ago.

Door – The silly knock knock jokes.

Losing the key to my room and having to wait outside the door for like 4-5 hours before my roommates returned from a movie. This was a regular affair in college.

Painful memories of having lost a finger nail it.

3 Doors Down.

Ha!! Not bad. That game kinda kept me occupied for a while. Besides, it kinda reminded me of a lot of other things and ya, it did make time fly. Funny na, how small things around the house can remind you so many other things. And what do you know, we also have a post. Lalalalalalalalalalalaaa…. πŸ™‚

Published in: on June 23, 2008 at 8:26 am  Comments (15)  
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So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 1

The grass is always greener on the other side. Really! My American friend is completely in love with the concept of an arranged marriage and is hoping against hope that her parents will find a list of prospective grooms for her from whom she can have her pick. She finds the whole concept very comforting and practically risk free. This after a string of rather wrong boyfriends with whom she has wasted a considerable chunk of her life and for whom she has earned the black sheep tag from her family. I was telling her how it worked in India, in most of the cases and the enthusiasm in her voice was unmistakable. She was pumped and I could hear that she was seriously considering talking to her folks about an arranged marriage. What was surprising was how she later told me that she ain’t the only one thinking of going the arranged marriage way.

This is one side of the coin. On the other we have us, the typical Indian folks who dream and hope for parents who will let us chose our partners and be ok with it. No emotional blackmail. No tears. No fuss. No guilt trips and certainly no ‘Is this how I brought you up?’ type melodramatic lines. And we most certainly dont want ‘ We shall give our blessings albeit grudgingly, we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside. No sir, we don’t want any of the above. We seek acceptance and understanding and a plain yes or no. Not that its gonna affect our decision, but we would just like to know how you feel, cause you are our parents. Now, this is the new Indian dream.

See, dint I tell you the grass is greener on the other side? So, I was telling her about the new Indian dream and all that and since I am a part of that country where arranged marriages are a way of life and since I belong to a generation which thrives on the New Indian dream, she set me this interesting task of giving her 10 reasons as to why she should go for an arranged marriage and 10 reasons why it should be a love marriage. ( The girl cannot stop giggling every timeΒ  I say love marriage, cause she says it makes it seem like the arranged marriage is love less. True na and to think I never thought of it like that until now) So, presenting ** Drumroll** 10 reasons as to why, an arranged marriage is the way to go..

1) Well, the most basic reason has to be risk free element. Perhaps not risk free, everything has its risks but hmmm..lets say, the division of responsibility. It was a joint decision. And, God forbid, if there are hitches in your relationship, then your folks are not gonna turn around and give you the ” I told you so” look. Oh well, no matter how much we talk about the ‘Its- my-decision- and – I’ll – honour it’ or ‘Its- a-mistake-but-its-my-mistake’, the fact still remains that we need our family’s support and in an arranged marriage, you folks somehow feel they have much responsibility as you do, to make it work.

2) It saves a ton of trouble. Your folks will do all the shortlisting. All the background checks and all the digging up. They will even go so far as to get conduct certificates from his school/college. I tell you, your folks transform into world class snoops when searching for their kid’s mate. Documents containing crucial information including his first smoke, first drink and first fuck is unearthed, god knows from where. Though I think women are exempted from it. I’m pretty darn confident that the parents crowd still thinks that smoke-drink and fuck are for “those women” and not for future brides. Dont ask me to explain that, I dont belong to the parents group.

3) Don’t ask me how, but the parents group somehow land up on dudes who seem so wrong for you on the outset but then when you get to know him, seems so right. Really!! Its a part of their mystical powers. You cant question it. But have no fear, when I finally join the parents group, a few million years from now, the mystery shall be reveled. Provided, I’m still blogging!!

4) In retrospect and I emphasize it again, In retrospect, those chaperoned first introduction between the girl and the boy seems hilarious. It makes for a good holiday story, a legend that can be passed on forever. Legend goes that my sister kept pulling at her saree so much that it actually came undone right in front of her my brother in law and he keeps claiming that he would have been an idiot to let go of a girl who gave him personalised strip show during their first meeting. So you see, embarrassing first meets can later become famous stories to be passed on. I remember this one time when this prospective mother in law called me at work to fix up a meeting between her son and I and the Goddamn lady, instead of asking me for a good time to fix the meet wanted toΒ  know how much I earned. Well, it was embarrassing and I was in tears of anger and frustration post the call, but now, in retrospect, it seems hilarious.

5) Arranged marriage means that basically your family is at its happiest.( I suppose somebody once said, “Its all about loving your family πŸ˜› ) And a happy family is a generous family and a generous family is a gift giving family, which means **Drumroll** Excellent wedding gifts..Lalalalalalala..Oh yes, come on now, drop the act, we like gifts, weddings, birthdays,anniversaries, we love em all and we love the gifts too. Now a ‘we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside’ family means you get annoying crockery sets and truckloads of linen as wedding gifts..**Sigh** but a ‘we are soooo happy’Β  family means you get holidays to exotic locations as wedding gifts. See, the choice is pretty simple. Ok, so I am materialistic!! But so are you!!!

6) Most often in an arranged marriage, the whole process of falling in love, happens post the marriage. (Err..That point sounded so romantic in my head but in writing, it looks rather idiotic) Well, anyways, so since you are already married to him, its like being in an island with only one man. He is THE MAN, you like him cause he is all you have and suddenly you realise that his annoying habits don’t matter and you learn to love him. (I know..I know, the point looks very weak, but I’m trying my best here to make it look romantic. Stay with me, will you?)

Ok..Now this is where I need your help. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to go beyond 6 reasons to support arranged marriages. Come on now, we are country that has thrived on arranged marriages ( a population of more than 1 billion , no less ) and when put to test by my American friend, I cant think..So help me out here..gimme more reasons as to why arranged marriages are the way to go.

PS: Don’t think I am advocating arranged marriages, cause thats not the intent of this blog. Hell, I have to give 10 reasons right after this in favour of Love marriages. So, my doubting friend, my aim is not to convince you to get an arranged marriage. Far from it, this is to help my friend decide. She can be an annoying list-based decision maker sometimes and this is one such instance. So help, my friend’s future depends on you!!!! **puppy eyes**

PPS: My ‘ten reasons why a love marriage is the way to go’ will soon follow and looking at the way my list is developing, I just might need you help again!!!

Published in: on June 19, 2008 at 8:13 am  Comments (13)  
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Just some random stuff

Dear Diary,

Life is really unfair. Its biased and totally partial to its favourites. How else do you explain this “player’ who has slept with every thing remotely resembling a woman, and then insisting that he “deserves” a virgin for a wife and then **gasp** getting one. I don’t get it. Oh well, we wouldnt really know if she is a virgin now, would we? Oh please God..just this once, I’ll never pray for another non virgin in my life again..please please please..let her not be a virgin..in fact..go ahead God, break a leg, make her a slut. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase!! That would be just so perfect. See, the question is not about virginity here..its about hypocrisy. I mean, you cry yourself hoarse about how overrated virginity is and is the pioneer for premarital sex and all that and when finally your turn comes to get “settled”, you decide to push all your so far staunch beliefs to the deepest darkest corner of your cupboard and formulate a new set of beliefs to swear by. Now if this aint hypocrisy then I don’t know what is and whats worse diarykins, is that when you ask him about the double standards, he brushes the question aside by saying, “Its a guy thing, you wouldn’t understand.” What the fuck? Take a second and explain this to me, so what is it about a man that I don’t understand here? what is this “guy thing”?? Is it the Tom Cruise philosophy,Respect the cock, tame the cunt? Seriously, do you even for a second think we don’t get that? do you think we don’t understand your alternate heart down there? You think we don’t get it when you insist that you think with your heart? And I hate the double standards, you want an adventurous girlfriend who’s game for most things but when it comes to a wife, you want a nice innocent homely type. Well, get over it. We can play the ‘nice innocent homely type’ very convincingly, you see.Β  Well, I dont mean to be disrespectful to all the men and I know that I’m making sweeping generalisations here, but wth diarykins, I feel vindictive today! Grrrrrr..

Oh and Ive realised that pain makes me think about the weirdest things. That, and that my threshold for pain is abysmally low. If I dint know better, I would have thought that my tolerance for pain is receding every month. Not far is the day when I am gonna pass out from pain from an ant bite. I wish I was a lil more like S who says she enjoys pain. Oh yes, she like piercings and tattoos more for the pain that goes with it than anything else. I dont wanna be like her, I dont wanna ever enjoy pain, but I cant help wishing I was more like her in terms of the tolerance for pain. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghh!! Child birth!!! I think I’m gonna just pass out from the prospect of so much pain. 😐 😐

And bout those weird thoughts, yesterday I was in pain (Long story..I almost died..more on that later) and in between the whole painful experience, I couldn’t help thinking, how If I walked on my hands, my pee could actually flow inside and how my bladder could literally blast from being too full and how then my blood would get mixed with my pee and I would have stinky blood and how my blood wouldn’t be the nice shade of red it is now. I also remember reminding myself to check out the shade that comes when you mix, light yellow with red. And then I became paranoid, cause for more than a couple of years, I have become obsessed with having colourless pee and I keep drinking truckloads of water to ensure that and now with the whole pee in blood scenario, my obsession has become a necessity, that is, if I don’t want my blood to loose its lovely hue. So ya, like I was saying, I get the weirdest thoughts when I am in pain.

In other news, my friend A got married. Honestly, I never thought she would get married. Why? Cause I never thought anybody could stand her. Well, she ain’t that bad and she’s mildly pleasing in short bursts but for life is a lil too much. I know, I know I sound bitchy, but this feels nice. Really! Anyways, I guess nobody is unbearable. There is somebody to bear everybody. That’s comforting, don’t you think dairykins? I think I prefer people bear hugging me, to just bearing me. Oh and A, I know you are gonna read this. Well, you always knew this is the way I felt about you na? So chill and have an exciting honeymoon. Rock on \m/

Thats about it all. I love you diarykins and I love you more for patiently listening to me rant. You rock chicki!!! Muah!

Published in: on June 16, 2008 at 6:54 am  Comments (9)  
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Happy Woman to the rescue!!!

Have you ever wondered how life would be if you were a superhero? Would be interesting, wouldn’t it? I have it all sorted out, no girl tags for me. I wanna be a “something” woman, I’m yet to think of a name, though I’m sure I will have a name by the end of this post.

Girl tags kinda makes me feel like I am the winner of some sub contest at a beauty pageant. Before all the beauty queens out there start baying for my blood, lemme explain. I know its not easy being a beauty queen, but somehow I cant help thinking its easy. I should know better, I have trouble letting a bar of chocolate sit in the fridge peacefully, without trying to devour it. Given the struggle it takes me to give up a chocolate or a slice of cheese, you think I would know the hardships of learning to live counting calories. You would think. Oh well, lets just ignore my sentiments for beauty pageants. I like being ignored once in a while.

You know whats the best thing I like about a superhero? The superhero pose; hands at your waist, chin up and the slight thrust of your chest and oh ya, the ever so slight smile on your lips. Somehow, its the superhero pose that makes them so awe inspiring. Oh, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I love it when they give a mock salute after having saved the day. I find it so irresistibly charming. So when I become a superhero, expect loads of that.

My super power will be Happiness. That I decided long time ago. I know it sounds stupid but I’ve always wanted to be..errr..Happy Woman (Think woman..think..you need a better name..) isn’t that what we strive for at the end of the day? I mean, we work hard to earn money so that we can live happily, we search for our Mr Right (or Miss Right..These days you can never be sure πŸ˜‰ ) to have the fairly tale ending and live happily ever after. Hell, we even make a beeline for those pubs with Happy hours..So, too cut a long story short, you see, its all about being happy and that is precisely my power. A flick of the wrist and happy blasts will come through and save the day. About these happy blasts, the instant picture I get in my mind when I speak of them is a cloud of those Yahoo emoticons, all of course the happy smilies. Oh ya and I can fly and lift weight and blast through things. Superheroes have to fly. Defying gravity is very important. Perhaps after retirement I can put to use all these powers to have my very own amusement park. Thats another thing Ive always wanted to own.

And my clothes..hmmm..I don’t think I can carry off those body suits thats such a rage amongst the superhero folks, so I have to think of something else. Oh but it will definitely be black. I know, black doesn’t go with a picture of happiness, but I’m gonna make a change here and besides I look the best in black. I can’t risk wearing pink and look like a bubble gum when I fly around saving people. So black it will be and not figure hugging. See, the plus side of wearing a slightly lose garment is that, I get the ride of a lifetime every time I fly around, what with the air circulation and everything..Ooo..gives me the goosebumps just thinking about it. So, thats settled then, its gonna be black, its gonna be slightly loose and and ya, there has to be a cape. There is something so sexy about a woman wearing a cape. Oh well, seeing how much I suck at putting together an outfit for me, I think it will be a wiser decision to leave it to my designer to come up with something striking for me to prance around when I shed my regular girl image and become…HAPPY WOMAN!!!!

Well, its almost the end of this post and since I still haven’t come up with a better name than Happy Woman, I guess this will just have to do. There is more that I have to tell you but wait, is that a distress call I hear?? Hang on tight folks, HAPPY WOMAN TO THE RESCUE!!!! πŸ˜€

Published in: on June 12, 2008 at 7:20 am  Comments (13)  
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