So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 2

Ahem..So, remember the Part 1? Well, this is Part 2, which I’m sure you have figured out by now.

Ok, quick recap for the uninitiated. My friend from America is tired of searching for her Mr. Right and wants to settle for an arranged marriage, which according to her is so hassle free. Well, more blah blah blah..blah blah blah later, somehow I was entrusted with the all important task of giving her 10 reasons as to why she should go for an arranged marriage and 10 reasons why it should be a love marriage. The arranged marriage bit has already been done with, which thanks to your generous contribution of ideas, just did not go beyond 6 reasons. Grrrr… Somehow, I still havn’t come to terms with the fact that I, who belong to a country where arranged marriage is a way of life, couldnt even come up with 10 reasons supporting it. 😦

Anyways, now presenting **Drumroll** 10 reasons as to why, a love marriage is the way to go.

1) Well, the most simplest reason will have to be that, you know who you are getting married to..and better still you are actually in love with him. You are attracted to him and you don’t have to spend nights praying to God that you hope you are attracted to him. Don’t raise your eyebrows, I know of people, ok relatives, who have gotten married without having even spoken to their partner even once. Yup, one look at the photograph somehow sufficed. So ya, in a love marriage, you know the guy and what greater joy than getting married to the man you love.

2) Physical compatibility. Oh yes, no unwanted surprises on the first night. You know he/she will turn you on. Imagine, getting married and realising that he does nothing to stir you. Forget the fire in your loins. There is not even a spark there..**Shudder**

3) You know for a fact that he/she is straight. Dont, gimme that look. You think I’m exaggerating? Really people, this finding out that the only thing straight about your partner is his hair, is becoming more common everyday. I personally know somebody who strongly suspects that her partner is gay. You know how we deal with homosexuality in India right?. Besides being a punishable offense, its not really something that happens to us, its exclusive to the west and if it does happen, then its definitely curable. The cure? Marriage of course, after a while they will outgrow their ‘weirdness’. Hang on, this is not me talking, I’m merely echoing the mentality of the average Indian parents. So ya, in a love marriage, atleast you are sure he is straight.

4) You will forever be the symbol of romance to the breed of 12-14 olds in the family. This might just be exclusive to India. You will be the embodiment of romance to them. I stll remember how when one of my friend’s sister had a love marriage, all of us were secretly thrilled. We were all fresh from watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge and her insistence to get married to her lover was complete WOW material for us. We’ve spent many evenings thinking if we will ever find our man and when we do, if we will ever dare disobey our parents and walk out with him. Though, my secret desire always always has been the climax of DDLJ. Aah!! Ive replayed that more than a million times in my lil head.

Oh well, thats how far I got with my list. Not that I couldn’t think of more, but all of them seemed extremely exclusive to India and I dint see the point in giving those reason to my AF ( American friend). Well anyways, she liked both the lists, though it did nothing to clear her confusion. She is as muddled as ever and has almost given up hope of ever being married. Last heard, she was looking for a tall, educated, well earning Italian to take sperm samples from. 😐

PS: Hey there, tall, educated, well earning Italian..Are you listening?

PPS: Is it just me, or does the new series of Airtel ads featuring Vidya Balan and Madhavan give you a warm fuzzy feeling in the tummy?

Advertisements
Published in: on June 29, 2008 at 6:33 am  Comments (22)  
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 1

The grass is always greener on the other side. Really! My American friend is completely in love with the concept of an arranged marriage and is hoping against hope that her parents will find a list of prospective grooms for her from whom she can have her pick. She finds the whole concept very comforting and practically risk free. This after a string of rather wrong boyfriends with whom she has wasted a considerable chunk of her life and for whom she has earned the black sheep tag from her family. I was telling her how it worked in India, in most of the cases and the enthusiasm in her voice was unmistakable. She was pumped and I could hear that she was seriously considering talking to her folks about an arranged marriage. What was surprising was how she later told me that she ain’t the only one thinking of going the arranged marriage way.

This is one side of the coin. On the other we have us, the typical Indian folks who dream and hope for parents who will let us chose our partners and be ok with it. No emotional blackmail. No tears. No fuss. No guilt trips and certainly no ‘Is this how I brought you up?’ type melodramatic lines. And we most certainly dont want ‘ We shall give our blessings albeit grudgingly, we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside. No sir, we don’t want any of the above. We seek acceptance and understanding and a plain yes or no. Not that its gonna affect our decision, but we would just like to know how you feel, cause you are our parents. Now, this is the new Indian dream.

See, dint I tell you the grass is greener on the other side? So, I was telling her about the new Indian dream and all that and since I am a part of that country where arranged marriages are a way of life and since I belong to a generation which thrives on the New Indian dream, she set me this interesting task of giving her 10 reasons as to why she should go for an arranged marriage and 10 reasons why it should be a love marriage. ( The girl cannot stop giggling every timeΒ  I say love marriage, cause she says it makes it seem like the arranged marriage is love less. True na and to think I never thought of it like that until now) So, presenting ** Drumroll** 10 reasons as to why, an arranged marriage is the way to go..

1) Well, the most basic reason has to be risk free element. Perhaps not risk free, everything has its risks but hmmm..lets say, the division of responsibility. It was a joint decision. And, God forbid, if there are hitches in your relationship, then your folks are not gonna turn around and give you the ” I told you so” look. Oh well, no matter how much we talk about the ‘Its- my-decision- and – I’ll – honour it’ or ‘Its- a-mistake-but-its-my-mistake’, the fact still remains that we need our family’s support and in an arranged marriage, you folks somehow feel they have much responsibility as you do, to make it work.

2) It saves a ton of trouble. Your folks will do all the shortlisting. All the background checks and all the digging up. They will even go so far as to get conduct certificates from his school/college. I tell you, your folks transform into world class snoops when searching for their kid’s mate. Documents containing crucial information including his first smoke, first drink and first fuck is unearthed, god knows from where. Though I think women are exempted from it. I’m pretty darn confident that the parents crowd still thinks that smoke-drink and fuck are for “those women” and not for future brides. Dont ask me to explain that, I dont belong to the parents group.

3) Don’t ask me how, but the parents group somehow land up on dudes who seem so wrong for you on the outset but then when you get to know him, seems so right. Really!! Its a part of their mystical powers. You cant question it. But have no fear, when I finally join the parents group, a few million years from now, the mystery shall be reveled. Provided, I’m still blogging!!

4) In retrospect and I emphasize it again, In retrospect, those chaperoned first introduction between the girl and the boy seems hilarious. It makes for a good holiday story, a legend that can be passed on forever. Legend goes that my sister kept pulling at her saree so much that it actually came undone right in front of her my brother in law and he keeps claiming that he would have been an idiot to let go of a girl who gave him personalised strip show during their first meeting. So you see, embarrassing first meets can later become famous stories to be passed on. I remember this one time when this prospective mother in law called me at work to fix up a meeting between her son and I and the Goddamn lady, instead of asking me for a good time to fix the meet wanted toΒ  know how much I earned. Well, it was embarrassing and I was in tears of anger and frustration post the call, but now, in retrospect, it seems hilarious.

5) Arranged marriage means that basically your family is at its happiest.( I suppose somebody once said, “Its all about loving your family πŸ˜› ) And a happy family is a generous family and a generous family is a gift giving family, which means **Drumroll** Excellent wedding gifts..Lalalalalalala..Oh yes, come on now, drop the act, we like gifts, weddings, birthdays,anniversaries, we love em all and we love the gifts too. Now a ‘we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside’ family means you get annoying crockery sets and truckloads of linen as wedding gifts..**Sigh** but a ‘we are soooo happy’Β  family means you get holidays to exotic locations as wedding gifts. See, the choice is pretty simple. Ok, so I am materialistic!! But so are you!!!

6) Most often in an arranged marriage, the whole process of falling in love, happens post the marriage. (Err..That point sounded so romantic in my head but in writing, it looks rather idiotic) Well, anyways, so since you are already married to him, its like being in an island with only one man. He is THE MAN, you like him cause he is all you have and suddenly you realise that his annoying habits don’t matter and you learn to love him. (I know..I know, the point looks very weak, but I’m trying my best here to make it look romantic. Stay with me, will you?)

Ok..Now this is where I need your help. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to go beyond 6 reasons to support arranged marriages. Come on now, we are country that has thrived on arranged marriages ( a population of more than 1 billion , no less ) and when put to test by my American friend, I cant think..So help me out here..gimme more reasons as to why arranged marriages are the way to go.

PS: Don’t think I am advocating arranged marriages, cause thats not the intent of this blog. Hell, I have to give 10 reasons right after this in favour of Love marriages. So, my doubting friend, my aim is not to convince you to get an arranged marriage. Far from it, this is to help my friend decide. She can be an annoying list-based decision maker sometimes and this is one such instance. So help, my friend’s future depends on you!!!! **puppy eyes**

PPS: My ‘ten reasons why a love marriage is the way to go’ will soon follow and looking at the way my list is developing, I just might need you help again!!!

Published in: on June 19, 2008 at 8:13 am  Comments (13)  
Tags: , , , , ,

Happy Woman to the rescue!!!

Have you ever wondered how life would be if you were a superhero? Would be interesting, wouldn’t it? I have it all sorted out, no girl tags for me. I wanna be a “something” woman, I’m yet to think of a name, though I’m sure I will have a name by the end of this post.

Girl tags kinda makes me feel like I am the winner of some sub contest at a beauty pageant. Before all the beauty queens out there start baying for my blood, lemme explain. I know its not easy being a beauty queen, but somehow I cant help thinking its easy. I should know better, I have trouble letting a bar of chocolate sit in the fridge peacefully, without trying to devour it. Given the struggle it takes me to give up a chocolate or a slice of cheese, you think I would know the hardships of learning to live counting calories. You would think. Oh well, lets just ignore my sentiments for beauty pageants. I like being ignored once in a while.

You know whats the best thing I like about a superhero? The superhero pose; hands at your waist, chin up and the slight thrust of your chest and oh ya, the ever so slight smile on your lips. Somehow, its the superhero pose that makes them so awe inspiring. Oh, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I love it when they give a mock salute after having saved the day. I find it so irresistibly charming. So when I become a superhero, expect loads of that.

My super power will be Happiness. That I decided long time ago. I know it sounds stupid but I’ve always wanted to be..errr..Happy Woman (Think woman..think..you need a better name..) isn’t that what we strive for at the end of the day? I mean, we work hard to earn money so that we can live happily, we search for our Mr Right (or Miss Right..These days you can never be sure πŸ˜‰ ) to have the fairly tale ending and live happily ever after. Hell, we even make a beeline for those pubs with Happy hours..So, too cut a long story short, you see, its all about being happy and that is precisely my power. A flick of the wrist and happy blasts will come through and save the day. About these happy blasts, the instant picture I get in my mind when I speak of them is a cloud of those Yahoo emoticons, all of course the happy smilies. Oh ya and I can fly and lift weight and blast through things. Superheroes have to fly. Defying gravity is very important. Perhaps after retirement I can put to use all these powers to have my very own amusement park. Thats another thing Ive always wanted to own.

And my clothes..hmmm..I don’t think I can carry off those body suits thats such a rage amongst the superhero folks, so I have to think of something else. Oh but it will definitely be black. I know, black doesn’t go with a picture of happiness, but I’m gonna make a change here and besides I look the best in black. I can’t risk wearing pink and look like a bubble gum when I fly around saving people. So black it will be and not figure hugging. See, the plus side of wearing a slightly lose garment is that, I get the ride of a lifetime every time I fly around, what with the air circulation and everything..Ooo..gives me the goosebumps just thinking about it. So, thats settled then, its gonna be black, its gonna be slightly loose and and ya, there has to be a cape. There is something so sexy about a woman wearing a cape. Oh well, seeing how much I suck at putting together an outfit for me, I think it will be a wiser decision to leave it to my designer to come up with something striking for me to prance around when I shed my regular girl image and become…HAPPY WOMAN!!!!

Well, its almost the end of this post and since I still haven’t come up with a better name than Happy Woman, I guess this will just have to do. There is more that I have to tell you but wait, is that a distress call I hear?? Hang on tight folks, HAPPY WOMAN TO THE RESCUE!!!! πŸ˜€

Published in: on June 12, 2008 at 7:20 am  Comments (13)  
Tags: , , , , ,

This post has no title..

Dear Diary,

Today was scary. I woke up from a dream where I was BALD. Can you imagine? Me, the hair obsessed woman, who will think 20 million times before having a centimeter of my hair cut was Bald (yes, with a capital B. Its an important thing for me, this being Bald business) and whats interesting was that, I dint seem half as bothered about this in my dream as I am now. Dreams make me jittery. Well, not all dreams, but some of them like this. Cause I then spend the rest of the day wondering if the powers were trying to tell me something or if its a warning that I’m gonna be losing all my hair soon or something to that effect. Somehow which ever route I chose to follow, it all ends with me dying. So you see, its hardly surprising how I become jittery when I see dreams like these. But at the same time, these dreams are few and faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar in between. At most othertimes, I have dreams that I like to remember and don’t mind musing over the entire day, like Saurav Ganguly hiding out under my bed in the girl’s hostel or how Raikkanon came to Kerala and how no one recognised him but me and how we made him yummy biriyani and stuff like that. You get the drift na, happy dreams, they make up most of my sleeping hours. 9 out of 10 times, I remember my dreams completely, which is both good and bad at once.Its a curse. I realise that. With great powers like these comes great responsibilities and I need to handle them well. (Well, in the ‘Quick guide to knowing me’, I did tell you how fond I am of making profound statements na, well, this is your live example.)

Diarykins, today was also my niece’s first ever day in school. She looked adorable in the tiny uniform and what was the cutest was the way she looked all determined and how she had set her face in this this-is-not-child’s play kind of look. I could see that my sister was having a hard time letting the little one go. I mean, its not like she is going forever , but in someways this is the beginning of letting go. Once you begin school, then time just flies and before you know it she will be in college with a complete different set of priorities and somehow that complete dependence on you, that you so treasure now, will be gone. I guess its difficult for mothers to accept and I know that my sister knows that this is the beginning of ‘letting go’ which makes it all the more harder for her. Phew! thats enough of serious talk for today. Now, coming back to my niece, today while she was getting ready for school, she kept up this non stop talk about how she will become a doctor when she grows up (Check out these kids, they have plans already. I was clueless till I was 13. I dint even wanna be anything until then) and then suddenly she changed her mind and decided to be a police officer and this went on and on. So, at the end of it all, my sister was like, I hope you study hard so that you can become whatever you want when you grow up. At this my niece looked visibly shocked and she said, “What studies? I thought you just grew up and became someone..Do we have to study for it?” LOL.

That was the first time I thought about it. Its funny na, how we always talk about growing up and becoming something,, but studies never figure in the equation. No one ever says ‘ I wanna grow up and study hard and become a doctor.’ Its always, ‘ I wanna grow up and become a doctor’, like becoming something is the side effect of growing up. Its mildly funny how it took a four year old to point it out. Imagine how she must have felt when she figured studies are a part of the equation. She looked positively cheated. πŸ˜€ Poor lil thing.

Anyways, I guess those are the major incidents for day. I gotta split now. See ya soon Diarykins!! Muah!!

– Me!!

PS: I dont like this title business. What do I do about posts like these for which I cant think of any? :(:( Ban the titles I say!! πŸ˜›

Published in: on June 9, 2008 at 6:48 am  Comments (8)  
Tags: , , , , , ,

On the big screen..

How many times have we watched a movie and wished it happened to us in real time? How many times have we come home from the movies and imitated the hero/heroine or whatever it is that has caught our fancy? How many times have we desperately yet silently prayed to God to make our lives half as interesting as the last movie we saw? Well, I for one have and a million times atleast. Infact, we all have at some point or the other wished our life were the movies, wished we had a picture perfect ending and that everyone lived happily ever after.

So, keeping in mind this undying and not so subconscious desire to be a part of the film world, I humbly present before you..**Extended Drumroll** (Notice how every major announcement sounds so much more cooler when preceded by a drumroll? Whoever thought of using the drumroll to built anxiety was a genious)

TERMINAL RANT’s LIST OF MOVIE SCENES SHE WISH SHE WERE A PART OF!! (Ta da!!!!)

  • The climax of Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. The slow moving train, a bloody yet somehow cute looking Shahruk Khan with an outstretched arm and the embodiment of the strict and stern fathers the world over, Amrish Puri mouthing what has by now become almost legendary, “Jaa Beti, Jee le apni Zindagi (for the benefit of my non Hindi speaking friends, the line translates to, ‘Go my girl, live your life’, though it somehow sounds way much cooler in Hindi) and finally me..Flashing a grateful smile at my father and running along the still slow moving train ( no wonder our trains are always late) and into the arms of my love. Hmmmmmmmmmm!!! I’ve played this scene a million times in my head and it just keeps getting better everytime. Though I’m positive that in realtime, I would a tripped a million times before finally getting into the train.
  • The black n white car scene in Kill Bill. Reasons are simple enough, I like to kick butts and inspite of all the gore, I still like the idea of a girl out to get revenge. I love the yellow tracksuit, I love the action and most of all, I like the way she says ” And when I get there, I’m gonna Kill Bill”, complete with wind in her hair and the continuous oscillation of her head and that uber sexy back ground score. Aah! The ultimate power trip!
  • Any fight sequence from the Tomb Raider series. The pout-y action figure not just gets the guys drooling their life out but also manages to excite more than a few women. I mean, really, long jet black hair, a perfectly filled figure and the handling of mean machines with aplomb. I like the idea of looking feminine and then kicking more than my share of ‘villainous’ butts. How thoroughly dreamlike and enjoyable. Oh yes, I played this sequence in my head, a lot.
  • Sharon Stone’s leg-crossing interrogation scene in the Basic Instinct. Why? Go figure!
  • The last scene from the Titanic. Well, technically not the last scene but the scene where Jack dies. **Sniff**. How tragic! I could just picture myself there, a pretty picture of both grief and determination at the same time. It does feel a tad silly now, but when the movie released, I spend good many nights crying myself to sleep cause I was Rose and I had just lost my Jack.
  • The pot making scene from Ghost. What? Its a good make out scene. Very sensuous. A Woman has her needs, you see.
  • The scene where Maria falls in love with the Captain in The Sound of Music. Well, technically its falling in love with your boss but something about the way it was handled doesn’t make it look tacky at all. ” So somewhere in my youth or childhood,I must have done something good”, and that song is another reason along with the extremely yummy captain. Well, actually the entire movie is worth replaying in my head but something about this scene means more.
  • Jodie Foster’s introduction scene in The Silence of the Lambs – Wow, the slow long tense walk to Hannibal Lecter’s cell. I think I could have added a tad more dignity to it. Like I said, I think. There is something about that scene and something so chilling about the way, Mr. Lecter urges Foster closer to his cell, “Closer, please. Clo-ser”. Positively creepy yet highly replayable in my head.
  • A Sooraj Bharjatiya heroine. I know this is not a scene but Ive imagined me being the ultimate SB heroine all my life. She, a Sooraj Bharjatiya heroine is everything I’m not, she is shy, she is silent, she is demure, she is the embodiment of the Bharatiya Nari, she is so innocent and so nice and everybody loves her and oh ya, she is incapable of hurting anyone, even if she wanted to. So you see, I couldn’t bear to be like that for life, but I sure dont mind being that in intervals, which is most often right after I watch one of his flicks.

Well, this is just a few from the top of my head. Think a lil deeper and Im sure there are tons more. But like I always say, lets keep it for another day shall we? and ya, if there are any scenes you think is worth replaying in my head, drop me line, wont you? There is always room for more melodrama. πŸ˜€

PS: What is with me and this compulsive need to make lists of late? First it was the bucket list, then a list of the things from the past that we love, then came the list to identifying me and now this! Do all women..wait..this might not be exclusive to women, so lemme rephrase, so do all of mankind go through this list making spree at some point or the other? or am I the latest victim of OCLMD (Obsessive Compulsive List Making DIsorder)? But what the heck as long as its an important life changing list (which all my lists are) then I don’t think I should be complaining πŸ˜€