So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 1

The grass is always greener on the other side. Really! My American friend is completely in love with the concept of an arranged marriage and is hoping against hope that her parents will find a list of prospective grooms for her from whom she can have her pick. She finds the whole concept very comforting and practically risk free. This after a string of rather wrong boyfriends with whom she has wasted a considerable chunk of her life and for whom she has earned the black sheep tag from her family. I was telling her how it worked in India, in most of the cases and the enthusiasm in her voice was unmistakable. She was pumped and I could hear that she was seriously considering talking to her folks about an arranged marriage. What was surprising was how she later told me that she ain’t the only one thinking of going the arranged marriage way.

This is one side of the coin. On the other we have us, the typical Indian folks who dream and hope for parents who will let us chose our partners and be ok with it. No emotional blackmail. No tears. No fuss. No guilt trips and certainly no ‘Is this how I brought you up?’ type melodramatic lines. And we most certainly dont want ‘ We shall give our blessings albeit grudgingly, we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside. No sir, we don’t want any of the above. We seek acceptance and understanding and a plain yes or no. Not that its gonna affect our decision, but we would just like to know how you feel, cause you are our parents. Now, this is the new Indian dream.

See, dint I tell you the grass is greener on the other side? So, I was telling her about the new Indian dream and all that and since I am a part of that country where arranged marriages are a way of life and since I belong to a generation which thrives on the New Indian dream, she set me this interesting task of giving her 10 reasons as to why she should go for an arranged marriage and 10 reasons why it should be a love marriage. ( The girl cannot stop giggling every timeΒ  I say love marriage, cause she says it makes it seem like the arranged marriage is love less. True na and to think I never thought of it like that until now) So, presenting ** Drumroll** 10 reasons as to why, an arranged marriage is the way to go..

1) Well, the most basic reason has to be risk free element. Perhaps not risk free, everything has its risks but hmmm..lets say, the division of responsibility. It was a joint decision. And, God forbid, if there are hitches in your relationship, then your folks are not gonna turn around and give you the ” I told you so” look. Oh well, no matter how much we talk about the ‘Its- my-decision- and – I’ll – honour it’ or ‘Its- a-mistake-but-its-my-mistake’, the fact still remains that we need our family’s support and in an arranged marriage, you folks somehow feel they have much responsibility as you do, to make it work.

2) It saves a ton of trouble. Your folks will do all the shortlisting. All the background checks and all the digging up. They will even go so far as to get conduct certificates from his school/college. I tell you, your folks transform into world class snoops when searching for their kid’s mate. Documents containing crucial information including his first smoke, first drink and first fuck is unearthed, god knows from where. Though I think women are exempted from it. I’m pretty darn confident that the parents crowd still thinks that smoke-drink and fuck are for “those women” and not for future brides. Dont ask me to explain that, I dont belong to the parents group.

3) Don’t ask me how, but the parents group somehow land up on dudes who seem so wrong for you on the outset but then when you get to know him, seems so right. Really!! Its a part of their mystical powers. You cant question it. But have no fear, when I finally join the parents group, a few million years from now, the mystery shall be reveled. Provided, I’m still blogging!!

4) In retrospect and I emphasize it again, In retrospect, those chaperoned first introduction between the girl and the boy seems hilarious. It makes for a good holiday story, a legend that can be passed on forever. Legend goes that my sister kept pulling at her saree so much that it actually came undone right in front of her my brother in law and he keeps claiming that he would have been an idiot to let go of a girl who gave him personalised strip show during their first meeting. So you see, embarrassing first meets can later become famous stories to be passed on. I remember this one time when this prospective mother in law called me at work to fix up a meeting between her son and I and the Goddamn lady, instead of asking me for a good time to fix the meet wanted toΒ  know how much I earned. Well, it was embarrassing and I was in tears of anger and frustration post the call, but now, in retrospect, it seems hilarious.

5) Arranged marriage means that basically your family is at its happiest.( I suppose somebody once said, “Its all about loving your family πŸ˜› ) And a happy family is a generous family and a generous family is a gift giving family, which means **Drumroll** Excellent wedding gifts..Lalalalalalala..Oh yes, come on now, drop the act, we like gifts, weddings, birthdays,anniversaries, we love em all and we love the gifts too. Now a ‘we shall attend the wedding though unhappy and we shall put on a happy face, though we cry inside’ family means you get annoying crockery sets and truckloads of linen as wedding gifts..**Sigh** but a ‘we are soooo happy’Β  family means you get holidays to exotic locations as wedding gifts. See, the choice is pretty simple. Ok, so I am materialistic!! But so are you!!!

6) Most often in an arranged marriage, the whole process of falling in love, happens post the marriage. (Err..That point sounded so romantic in my head but in writing, it looks rather idiotic) Well, anyways, so since you are already married to him, its like being in an island with only one man. He is THE MAN, you like him cause he is all you have and suddenly you realise that his annoying habits don’t matter and you learn to love him. (I know..I know, the point looks very weak, but I’m trying my best here to make it look romantic. Stay with me, will you?)

Ok..Now this is where I need your help. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to go beyond 6 reasons to support arranged marriages. Come on now, we are country that has thrived on arranged marriages ( a population of more than 1 billion , no less ) and when put to test by my American friend, I cant think..So help me out here..gimme more reasons as to why arranged marriages are the way to go.

PS: Don’t think I am advocating arranged marriages, cause thats not the intent of this blog. Hell, I have to give 10 reasons right after this in favour of Love marriages. So, my doubting friend, my aim is not to convince you to get an arranged marriage. Far from it, this is to help my friend decide. She can be an annoying list-based decision maker sometimes and this is one such instance. So help, my friend’s future depends on you!!!! **puppy eyes**

PPS: My ‘ten reasons why a love marriage is the way to go’ will soon follow and looking at the way my list is developing, I just might need you help again!!!

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Published in: on June 19, 2008 at 8:13 am  Comments (13)  
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13 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hahahahhahahahah

    The grass is always greener on the other side …

    So what does one do … cross the river … become one of the modern Moses … split the river … go to the other side … only to realize … there is no friggin grass … πŸ™‚

    The fact … No freggin grass ….. =))

    I loved the concept of an american thinking of an arrange marriage.

    Point 4 is amazing … its complicated to write such stuff.

    lolz @ puppy eyes

  2. A great guide to love and marriage … will show it to my gf πŸ˜›

    Keep writing !

  3. havent read the post as yet, but the name just tell me that you should go check my blog, it is Pre-Marriage rituals, and rejection. alright, leme go read urs πŸ™‚

    (post-reading the first para) damn! please read my post [:p]!

    oh damn hilarious, (we have a group study plan and the light went off and meanwhile i switched to net, it is such an addiction you know, i laughed so hard that one of my friend woke up! you can be sued you know, ch! only if we had a judiciary system. sigh)

    i have some hours to think over this arrange/love marriage, may be i could help you, creative juices flows in when exam came near and you feel as if you are a sleeping beauty *grins*

    back to post, yes you get gifts and who wouldnt like gifts and if you’re materialistic whats in accepting :p

    haha @ retrospecting, mon and dad’s were totally arranged wedding and it turned out to be that mom was dad’s (we claim biggest) fan. dad used to host this radio show and mom wondered at the name of this person and all… miracle happens.

    i run now, will come back with some points i hope..
    /runs

  4. @ Abhishek

    Errr..You liked the puppy eyes but you ignored the plea that went with it..grrrr..

    @Purnendu

    πŸ™‚

    @ Asby

    Oh no..dont tell me you have written about it too? This is freaky..How can we be so alike? :O :O

  5. The grass is always greener on the other side …

    I support arranged marriage.

  6. […] So,which marriage will you be having? – Part 1 No sir, we don’t want any of the above. We seek acceptance and understanding and a plain yes or no. Not that its gonna affect our decision, but… […]

  7. Nice blog!!

  8. Well written and I am glad to report that my marriage is a success story after both my elder siblings had arranged ones πŸ™‚ ot that they are unhappy but looks like they do envy us!

    Nice post..I have a similar post called Greener pastures beckon on my blog though it does not touch upon the marriage aspect btu how we are turning Western and they otherwise.

  9. Im sorry but I dont agree with it. I really don’t. For me marriage isnt a play that our parents will choose the cast and fit us into it.
    My parents don’t agree with the concept of arranged marriage as well. At least I think so that they don’t and I have been made to believe that my belief is actually true πŸ™‚

    Its not about aping the west but then IDK what it is. πŸ˜›

    Cheers!

    PS: excuse me if I dont make sense

  10. Hello there,
    Very nice post. Had a nice time reading it. I am the editor of SmplyMarryZine.com, A Times Group website, would like to use this post of yours on the site. Kindly contact on my email so that I can provide you with more details. Warmly, Mansi.

  11. hmm… arrange marriage sure comes with its own set off risks, surprizes and mysteries… and add to it this whole intervention of the internet… i find it really silly and amusing to browse a million photos and profiles on jeevansathi.com to single out one… “ok.. he seems nice, lets arrange a meeting… no no this one is better.. look he is an inch taller too!!” huh! its almost like we are shopping for prospective brides and grooms!

  12. Nini,

    I got one more reason…something I always use while endorsing arranged marriages(Yes, I am a fan of the type!!)

    Well..my reason is that the excitement of new love is very much alive even after marriage. I am not taking anything away from the couples who are in love, I am quite sure they’ll keep the magic alive forever. But in arranged marriages, those little, “first” moments do happen in the initial first few years of marriage, which is always a special period! I’ve always found that cute in the couples I’ve observed! πŸ™‚

    ~Strictly my opinion~

  13. Parents are more sure to come up with grooms from a similar background or culture. They do that because their experience would have taught them that it would ease the adjustment problems that would arise after honey moon blaze. that can be a number 7. youth often fall for people who are different and end up regretting later. like u said grass is always greener on the other side …..


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